I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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