if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize