Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
