oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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