you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
