Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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