i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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