and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
