My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
