I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
