you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
