Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
