You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
