help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
