dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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