so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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