I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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