Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if only i could text you this smell
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
