We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
