She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
