You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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