think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
