I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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