Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
