Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
