The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
