its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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