i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he thought i was a dude.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
