my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
