god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor