remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.