I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.