thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well