We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.