Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks