No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?