Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
