Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
