omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
