so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
