no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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