I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
