I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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