I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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