dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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