I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
