Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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