So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
