I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?