I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?