Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?