So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
