sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.