Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
