EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Damn victory sex feels great
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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