did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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