you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
