i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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