Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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