So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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