C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish you could order shots online.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
