A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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