had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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