if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you had me at cake vodka
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
