I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
