piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
